Yes 2

Friday will consist of a date with 2 women. 2 women at the same time. This should be interesting...it always is. Dinner and drinks with 2 lovely ladies, you just can't beat being me sometimes.

It's not that easy

You can't just decide to be in love with someone...it's not that easy. You don't just go out and pick someone and decide that you are in love with them and they love you back the same. It just don't work that way. How can anyone tell me that I can love if I wanted too ?? That's bullshit in it's purest form. Just because you want to love doesn't mean that you can or even will. This feeling, "love", is not that easily obtained. I have said it many times before,

You can't help who you love nor who you don't.

Where then ?

I have been told so many times that one day a woman will come my way and sweep me off my feet. Hundreds of times I listen and shake my head and silently agree that it may happen one day. But I know better and I think they do too. I am unfair I suppose, comparing each woman to her, it's unfair to me and to them because no one can measure up to my feelings for her....past or present. I don't want to feel this way but how can I stop ? I have had the pleasure to be in the company of many wonderfully beautiful women that any man would be proud to have on their arm or in their bed. But even then my mind drifts back to the time when she was mine....all mine...even though she wasn't mine near as much as I thought she was, still I was happy. I hate that love shit...messes with your head and makes you do crazy shit that you would never do if not for this evilest of emotions. It makes you "think" you are in love with someone and that they are in love with you when your mind is telling you different. The heart does lie my friends....and a wicked lie it will tell.

No matter what happens or who is there or here...................





It's all about her.......

Power

Power, that is the only definition I can come up with. Women have power over me..me of all people. The King of my world, and I fall prey to the power within the female species. You all have it, some are just more experienced with the use of it. Some know they have power....some don't realize the power they possess. Either way this power is a drug and it sways me. I can't resist it no matter how hard I try. Each of you have something about you that reaches out to me, consumes me, draws me into your clutches. You are my Kryptonite. I am a moth and you the flame. Your eyes, your hair, your curves.....the way your smile, the little flirts that you are so obvious with making sure I know your position on the subject at hand. Sex and a night of lust and fun. Making us both feel that feeling that we both yearn for if only for a little while. Temporary highs for one another. I love each of you in one way or another, love you and hate you at the same time. Love the feeling we give each other and hate the feelings the are to come if we let things get out of hand. And by out of hand I mean feelings that are felt too long by each and that feel too good to us both. The ones that turn to shit with time and leave us with a whole new emotion for one another. One that is not desired by either party. Those temporary feelings are fine while they do need to be kept in check, for the safety and sanity of each. It's a power that can destroy us all. The power you possess is a dangerous one and even more so when unleashed with no limits other than time. Then we must put the devil back in the can..keeping everyone safe from the wicked webs that are weaved by the lustful little bastard.

What I am

I am what I am because of you, all of you. In one way or another, you, along with circumstances, have shaped me into the tragically flawed manwhore that I am today. Unable to love or show emotion. I do love, in my own fucked up kinda way I guess. But not the love that one seeks and longs for. I am a shell...empty inside..void of a soul which searches for a mate. I have filled this space with wit and charm, jokes and laughter, drink and smoke, friends (some with benefits) and some even say a man of character. A character I am I must admit. I am all these things and more, all because of you...

I thank you.

Drowning

I loved her once...maybe I still do somewhere in the back of my mind. Either way, she is gone now and I am here to live my life...day by day and by the seat of my pants it seems. I thought I had found THE one, only problem was that she hadn't. You know the whole grass is greener on the other side bullshit. But life and time march on and wait for no man. Not even for me.

Life is filled with women with whom I try to fill the void. All are wonderful women who will always have a place in my heart but, are just a temporary high for me. Reaching and grasping for the drug of all drugs... love. That touch of the one you love that excites you like no other can. The sex you can only experience with the one you truly love. Good sex can be had with anyone but great sex, that can only be with the one you love.

I have been told that I am "emotionally unavailable", kind of a funny term but one that fits I suppose. I'm not sure I will ever be anything but. I'm just drowning in this life of mine.....

This is the first blog post here and if you would like to share it feel free. Facebook me, tweet me, whatever the hell that is, google me or whatever. Just know that everything here belongs to me and me alone. That means...don't steal my shit or I will have to get Mid evil on your ass. Share me if you think my fucked life may give someone a laugh or make them feel better about themselves. I don't care either way. If you don't like what I have to say, don't read it.